I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
