I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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