D3 body, D1 cock
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I did not marry a roomba.
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