i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am spending my child support on dildos
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
