He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
