Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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