your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
