i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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