why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
