My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you had me at cake vodka
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
