Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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