a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
