She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
