Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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