I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
