my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
