Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
