Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
