I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
