I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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