Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
