you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
