The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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