Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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