I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
