If that was your dad, he is hot
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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