Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
false alarm. still invincible.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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