Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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