I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
