I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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