3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Randomize
