I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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