omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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