Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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