I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
