Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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