I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The power of my boobs compel you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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