you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
