He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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