Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
