I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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