also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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