She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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