I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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