you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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