there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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