I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
