i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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