I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
