What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
