i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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