I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
