i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
