She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drake has all the answers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
