i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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