sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
