You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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