i think my mom watched the whole time
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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