weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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