So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
