I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
