he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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