I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
