Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
