dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
