Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
