my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
