she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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