we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
