So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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