what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
