The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
