I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
