NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
